Letting go

Being a mother to two girls for twenty-three years has defined who I am. I have embraced the sacrifice of some of myself, of my sleep and freedom, with joy and sense of purpose (most of the time). Being needed, feeling my thoughts and opinions valued by these young minds and yes being adored I guess too.  What my girls have helped me find within myself has been incredible and without them I would not be who I am today, they have helped me love myself purely because they have loved me.

Today, my role and purpose needs to change. What my young children needed from me for all those years would not be healthy to remain. I would not be doing my job if I clung onto their youth and created a dependence. It truly is time to let go, to let them be who they need to be in every way. I feel that this is a tricky time for a mother with a child as this can be when deep unhealthy expectancy, conformity and even co-dependency can emerge.

Mother’s unrealised dreams given like a relay baton to be taken up by the child. Making her run with the pressure of her mother`s watchful gaze. A role that rarely is chosen by the child but handed on from generation to generation.

As I look at my daughters I am astounded at their wisdom and sense of who they are at such a young age. I now realise that wisdom and owning oneself as a woman (particularly in a man`s world) does not come with age it comes with something else at any time from post adolescence onwards. It should happen naturally, a gently easing into womanhood , a smooth transition. They do not need me standing guard in fear of living, they need me to let them know that they are formidable, powerful and intuitive beings totally equipped to take life by the horns and live!

Letting Go

So, from this opportunity of deep growth all be it with pain of loss. I break all energetic ties, let go of any expectations including of my daughters happiness and trust that they know what is best for them because they are wise. And if I do not trust this process and them, I will stunt their connection to their deepest sense of self and therefore their purpose.

My dreams and wishes are mine and only mine. It is my duty to myself to live to the fullest and meet my highest potential, never using my role as a mother to take a step backwards, this can only end in resentment and disappointment. My greatest achievements yet are my daughters but they are not and will not be my only ones!

And I will not hinder them with my need to be close to them or anxiety when they are exploring the world. They must stretch themselves outwards in every way they choose, into all corners of the world, taking up as much space as possible. Never wondering how I might feel but always knowing I am their constant, ever in my heart and theirs.

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About the Author

Nikki Catto
I have been a practicing therapist for twelve years specialising with women’s issues and young people. I believe everyone is unique and I tailor therapy to my clients individual needs using a range of techniques and skills.
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