Facing Endings

Eighteen months ago I had a potential serious health scare and in all honesty after everything died down I missed the energy in some ways, the new glasses that I saw the world through. The energy of gratitude for everyone around me, the liberation of not giving a damn of those people that do not serve my highest good and the appreciation of every bitter sweet moment.

This is something I have witnessed with friends, clients and relatives in their potential last days. I have never really fully understood this process until my journey took me into the space of facing my mortality. I went to bed for several days and faced fear- my death which I feel is vital if you want to move forward and not get stuck in the fear (not that I did this consciously). I have since found out that in Existentialism this is viewed as a highly cathartic moment.

I then began to think about the lovely simple family Christmas we all had this year and how we all were on top form. I realised we were more highly respectful of each other`s spaces, needs and spent so much time talking and playing, savouring each moment with each other. For me, there was something different from the last few years and part of this was the bitter sweetness of this potentially being the last Christmas for a while   all together in this way, with my adult children spreading their wings. The ending of this era created a sense of something so precious and yet so sad but amazingly beautiful.

My thoughts moved on through the recent days and I reflected on this amazing energy, an experience with a finite end and wondered at how amazing it would be to see every day, every moment in this way. To sense each second as a parting gift and keep in gratitude at its potential loss.

With so many endings of so many things on such different levels over the last two years I marvel at this beauty within each difficult moment. It is liberating too because so many of us miss this experience because we are too busy trying to grasp on.   We need only look at cam recorders and camera phones.  We often view these fleeting moments from the third party seats, ensuring unhealthy but safe detachment. We miss the pain but we miss so much more too…

I often forget to be in the experience and then something brings me to remember and I feel this sweetness once more but never in the deepest most profound way as when I thought my days are numbered.

So friends, I suggest we surrender into the moment. Drop into your vulnerability like a welcoming pillow and revel in the beauty of this and feel the sweet freedom of the gift of each precious experience   and not wait until we have the end too close.

Tags: grief, health